Singles: Don’t look for signs

February 09, 2019

SHOULD I pursue this girl or not? She would make an excellent wife. The trouble was that she wasn’t interested in me. I sought “God’s will” as to what to do next. I did what Christians are supposed to do: pray, read my Bible and ask for advice. Yet I didn’t get the clear “yes” or “no” that I thought would come.

So, I retorted to another method. I asked God for a sign: if this girl would phone my office -- out of the blue, without any manipulation from my part -- then I knew she was “God’s will” for me.

Amazingly, a few days later, she did call! A mutual friend was emigrating to the U.S. and she invited me to the despedida party for him. We were then chatting like old friends. Believe it or not, I ended our conversation by asking, “Do you know the significance of your call?” She responded with a puzzled “no.”

It didn’t matter. As far as I was concerned, it was “God’s will” that she would marry me. Yehey!

A few weeks later, we parted ways. She thought that I was simply being a friend. But when she smelled my romantic intentions, she felt betrayed and distanced herself from me. Talk about crash and burn!

I have come to learn that while many are wondering, “How do I know God’s will?”, a better question to ask would be, “How do I make wise decisions?” Or in this case, instead of agonizing over the question, “How do I know God’s will whom to marry?”, a better question to ask would be, “How do I make wise decisions about getting married?”

We can start by asking God for wisdom. Then we fill our minds with moral principles from the Bible. One testified that thinking about and obeying God’s word made him wiser than his enemies and gave him more insights than his teachers (Psalm 119:97-100).

Wisdom is further enhanced by learning from wise men. We should not be Lone Ranger Christians. If we believe that God wants us to do this or that, it is commendable to discuss it with people of deeper spiritual insight. Many a foolhardy venture could have been checked had godly advisers pointed out how, say, we had misread a Bible verse or confused selfish desires with “impression from God.”

Many years after my disaster of a “sign”, God led me to a wonderful woman, Lucy. Should we get married? This time we gathered as much wisdom as we could: we made sure that the other is a true disciple of Christ, we availed of premarital counseling, we secured our parents blessings (always needed!), we addressed my ability to provide financially.

During this process, we did not have to be bogged down with questions such as “Is he or she the one?” or “What if I will be marrying the wrong person?” Rather, as we delighted in walking in God’s ways -- individually as singles and together as husband and wife -- it struck us to be married is the smartest thing to do. A decision which we are confident is within the will of God.

It is little wonder that, as I teach about God’s will, my favorite battle cry is, “Don’t look for signs. Look for wisdom.” May God bless you.

For this Love Month, check out my relationship books Finding Comfort, How to Mend a Broken Heart, and The Honeymoon Never Ends, available in major bookstores nationwide. For more insights, check out my FB Author’s Page at https://www.facebook.com/pg/nelsondybooks/notes/