You can’t really let go

August 01, 2020

REMEMBER Frozen? Time was when people were belting Let It Go, be it off-key videoke or professional cover. But I would disagree with Queen Elsa. There are things we really can’t let go.

Take our past, for instance. Motivational speakers and counsellors would tell us to “let go” of what we don’t like about our personal histories. Has someone hurt us? Let it go. Are we regretting over a certain career choice? Let it go. Did we lose our shirt because the pandemic ruined our business? Let it go.

But we really cannot let them go, because our present flows from our past. We are where we are now due to a complex flux of choice and circumstances. We cannot escape cause and effect. Unless we have a time machine and start over, the past won’t let us go. We still wince from the hurt. We’re still unhappy at work. We’re still broke.

So what do we do? Let me suggest three steps.

Make peace with your yesterday. Since we can’t let go of our past, we will have to live with our past. The real question is how? With blessing or bitterness? With gratitude or grumbling?

In my book Regret No More, I teach that we make a peace pact with ourselves. Think of it as being at war with regret, guilt, anxiety, or sorrow. The irony is that we raise these enemies within ourselves, for example, the inner critic. We declare a cessation of hostilities. The next time we sense the enemy creeping back, we hold up the treaty (it can be literally written down, if we want to) and tell the negative emotion “Hold it right there. This says you will stop.”

Become a better person today. We are not the same people we were five, ten, or twenty years ago. That’s because life continues to shape our personalities, perceptions and priorities. Ideally, we grow in love and wisdom as the years roll by. Yes, that includes the past.

Therefore, leverage the past for your maturity. Did the hurt deepen your empathy? Has the career mistake revealed what you really want in life? Will the failed business train you how to bounce back? There are priceless lessons that can be learned only through hard knocks. Don’t waste the tuition.

Create an exciting tomorrow. We cannot change what happened before. But we can decide what happens next. So take the best pieces of your past and match them with the opportunities of the present. The hurt can open doors to unparalleled service. The career mistake may be a detour that leads you to your true calling. The failed venture will remind you that purpose is more important than profit.

It is not really true that January 1st is New Year’s Day. Every morning heralds the next 365 days of your life. As we would do with the literal January 1st, be brimming with hope. Dream again. Dream big. Take the calculated risk. Explore the untrodden path. Forge strong relationships. In so doing, you have made the past your friend. You really cannot let it go. But you have successfully lived with it.

God bless you. For more insights, please visit my website www.nelsontdy.com or contact me via nelsontdy.com@gmail.com